31 January, 2012

Sometimes Life is Gross

So, it's been a little while....have to wipe the cobwebs off the blog...

Do you ever feel like your body responds physically to what you are feeling emotionally?

There have been a few times that I've been pretty run down mentally and emotionally, and it seems that my immune system picks that exact moment to run and hide in some deep dark corner somewhere, leaving me to muddle through a cold on my own. That worked out nicely when Karlyn and I were sick for three months last year.

Today I felt like I experienced a complete physical manifestation of how I've felt in recent weeks.

Things at work have becoming increasingly complicated and stressful, and with each new challenge I'm presented with, I feel like a little piece of me gets chipped away and I start to feel more numb each time. Each time a roadblock is put in front of me, I get over it or get through it, but with less and less feeling.

A few weeks ago, Cory and I were down in Cary, N.C. visiting some friends, and we played a game using the xbox kinect where we were in a glass tank and fish kept knocking holes in it, and we had to plug up the holes using our hands and feet and whatever parts of our body we could as fast as we could. The game gets progressively more challenging, finally requiring you to use your whole body at the end. I feel like this sums up how my work life has been the last few weeks - a problem arises, I block the hole, and at least for the time being, the problem is solved. Until the next thing crops up. And the next. And the next. And now it is at the point where I'm using everything I have to stop the water from pouring in, but I know any second a new hole will appear.

So how did this manifest physically? (yes, I know I rambled off topic with bad analogies for awhile...that's what I do best)

Today I sprung a leak. Literally.

So after picking up my 2nd borrowed car in a week (thanks to the deer that caused $3000 in damages) and running various other after-work errands, I was finally home and getting ready for bed (at 7pm). After washing my hands at the sink, I turned to dry my hands, but I got snagged on the cabinet door handle. For those other insulin pump wearers out there, this is more common than we'd like. So as is habit now, I quickly took a look at my pump site, just to make sure everything was still attached. The tiny bit of bruising I first noticed at the site yesterday had grown enormously. Knowing that my site likely wasn't working too well with all that bruising, I yanked it out.

Apparently that was the last thing holding me together.

I spent the next ten minutes holding a paper towel to my side trying to apply pressure, while simultaneously trying to insert another site on the other side of my body and fend off the cats who by now couldn't understand what could possibly be holding up their dinner. The bleeding finally stops long enough to throw a band-aid over that site and quickly insert one on the other side. The needle goes "thunk"...and when I pull it out, it is more bent than the back of my car after the bambi attack. Chances of bruising at the new site too? Pretty high.

I'm wrapping myself in bubble wrap and wearing my pfd and kayak helmet to work tomorrow. I feel like the extra protection can't hurt. I'm just juggling knives and spinning plates and chewing gum and plugging leaks and managing diabetes. No big thang.